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September 3, 2008

"Ohio mom spared death penalty for microwaving baby"

The title of this post comes from this AP account of a notable result in a high-profile capital case in my home state.  Remember folks, before anyone proposes any crazy microwave-control legislation as a result of this case, microwaves do not kill people, people kill people.

September 3, 2008 at 08:13 PM | Permalink

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Comments

You mean it isn't a specific crime to microwave your baby? You should have a license to have a microwave.

Posted by: babalu | Sep 4, 2008 1:27:53 AM

Humor is not really all that appropriate here. The quip about microwaves not killing people comes across is quite callous. In all likelihood, the baby suffered a painful death. Let's remember that.

Posted by: | Sep 4, 2008 12:07:43 PM

That was tasteless.

Posted by: | Sep 4, 2008 12:42:02 PM

If microwaves are outlawed, only outlaws will have microwaves.

Come on, humorless anon people - its always proper to poke fun at the NRA's slogans because they are just so easy to parody.

Posted by: Zack | Sep 4, 2008 5:08:29 PM

Took the words out of my mouth... i'm sure people will propose microwave oven regulation due to this.

How many dead children is it worth to be able to conveniently cook food? Would you be willing to give up the convenience of microwave ovens to save the lives of, say, 10 children per year?

I would not. Being able to cook frozen mac & cheese in 5 minutes is worth 10 dead chilren per year, no question about it. What's your DCT (dead child threshhold) for legalized microwave oven possession? We measure all rights and privileges based on dead children.

Posted by: Bruce | Sep 4, 2008 11:41:47 PM

Have to say this could be the least funny topic ever!

Posted by: DAG | Sep 5, 2008 6:50:13 PM

Dead baby jokes rules.

Q: Whats worse than finding 10 babies in 10 trashcans?
A: Finding 1 baby in 10 trashcans.

Q: What's the difference between a pile of flaming dead babies and a ferrari?
A: I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a marble?
A: You can't pick a marble up with a pichfork.

Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume.

Q: What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up the baby.

Q: What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
A: One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

Q: What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
A: Dart-boards don't bleed.

Q: What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
A: About 500 calories.

Q: Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
A: So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.

Q: Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
A: The family used it to crack nuts.

Q: Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
A: They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.

Q: Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on their faces.

Q: Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
A: So that if its born dead they can make soup.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

Q: How many babies fit in a blender?
A: Depends on how powerful the blender is.

Q: How do you know when a baby is dead?
A: It doesn't cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you save a drowning baby?
A: Harpoon it.

Q: How do you turn a baby into a dog?
A: Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.

Q: How do you turn a baby into a cat?
A: Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Take your foot off its head.

Q: What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
A: Blood brothers.

Q: What is red and is creeping up your leg?
A: An abortion with homesickness.

Q: What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.

Q: What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
A: Art.

Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave. (relevant to the topic of this post, muahahah)

Q: What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
A: Baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed, dead baby.

Q: What is red and hangs around trees?
A: A baby hit by a snow blower.

Q: What is green, smelly, and hangs around trees?
A: The same baby 3 weeks later.

Q: What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.

Q: What is pink and goes black with a "hiss."?
A: A baby thrown into a furnace.

Q: What is brown and gurgles?
A: A baby in a casserole.

Q: What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What is black and goes up and down?
A: A baby in a toaster.

Q: What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
A: A miscarriage.

Q: What is red and goes round and round?
A: A baby in a garbage disposal.

Q: What is red and swings back and forth?
A: A baby on a meat hook.

Q: What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A: A baby nailed to the floor.

Q: What is red and sits in the corner?
A: A baby with razor blades.

Q: What is blue and sits in the corner?
A: A baby in a baggie.

Q: What is black, smokin' hot, and twists on the floor?
A: A baby with its finger in a power socket.

Q: What is black and charred?
A: A baby chewing on an extension cord.

Q: What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A: A baby with a punctured lung.

Q: What is cold, blue, and doesn't move?
A: A baby in your freezer.

Q: What is white and glows pink?
A: A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.

Q: What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
A: Ripping it off again.

Q: What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
A: Catching it with a pitchfork.

Q: What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
A: Stopping them with a shovel.

Q: What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
A: Doing it with a snow blower.

Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.

Q: What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.

Q: What is little and can't fit through a door?
A: A baby with a spear in its head.

Q: What is the definition of fun?
A: Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A doberman on a children's playground.

Q: What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog's mouth?
A: Your baby's leg.

Q: What present do you get for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.

Q: What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Q: What smells worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
A: 100 dead babies in a trash can.
Q: What's worse than that?
A: There's a live one at the bottom.
Q: And what's worse than that??
A: It eats its way out.
Q: And... what is worse than that?
A: It comes back for seconds.

Q: What is the worst part about killing a baby?
A: Getting blood on your clown suit.

Posted by: bruce | Sep 6, 2008 12:33:37 PM

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