The Booker horror picture show

The First Circuit rendered two interesting little Booker opinions on Wednesday in US v. Jones, No. 05-1541 (1st Cir. Apr. 26, 2006) (available here) and US v. Lizardo, No. 04-1714 (1st Cir. Apr. 26, 2006) (available here).  Because they do not break significant new ground, I was not planning on covering these rulings until this summary of Jones at Appellate Law & Practice got my Booker song parody juices flowing again by highlighting that the Jones opinion describes a Booker pipeline case as falling "into a peculiar time warp."

So, with this inspiration, feel free to sing along: 

It's astounding, appeals are fleeting

Booker takes its toll

But follow closely, for whole a lot longer

Circuits will keep control

______

I remember, doing calculations

Drinking those moments when

Offense levels would hit me, and the grid would be calling

Let's do the guidelines again...

Let's do the guidelines again!

______

It's just a fake to the left

And then a move to the right

With some help from Breyer

they reign discretion in tight

But it's acquitted conduct, that really drives me insane

Let's do the guidelines again!