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April 10, 2009

"Man with urine fetish to serve 60 days in jail"

I will flush a long week away with this local Ohio sentencing story that has the same headline as the title of this post.  Here are the particulars:

A man with a urine fetish will begin serving a 60-day jail sentence on April 24, a Franklin County Municipal Court judge ruled today.  Alan Patton, 57, was convicted of criminal mischief in September for placing plastic wrap on toilet seats and foam cups in the urinals of a men's room at SportsOhio in Dublin on June 14.

Judge Anne Taylor imposed the sentence on Sept. 9 but delayed sending Patton to jail while his attorneys appealed her right to order a psychological evaluation of their client.  The Franklin County Court of Appeals upheld Taylor's decision two weeks ago....

Patton admitted to Dublin police that he placed the items in the restroom of the athletics complex to collect the urine of young boys.

As with all the weird and wacky sentencing stories reported on a friday, readers are encouraged to share a little levity in the comments.  I'll start: "I wonder if the local jail should think about ordering an extra supply of urinal cakes for the next few months."

April 10, 2009 at 06:35 PM | Permalink


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This person's sexual interest is far less harmful than that of male homosexuals, a group now favored by the lawyer in their Lawyer Kill the American Family Agenda.

First, once excreted, isn't body fluid in the public domain, as trash on the curb might be?

Second, he has not participated in the assassination of 40 million people around the globe by the spread of HIV, and the lawyer enactment of statutes criminalizing standard reporting and quarantining of vectors of disease.

Third, criminal mischief is void for vagueness, a law allowing the arrest of anyone with whom one differs.

Contrast this to the conduct of the homosexuals, now legitimized and endorsed by the Supreme Court despite catastrophic public health consequences.

Posted by: Supremacy Claus | Apr 10, 2009 9:25:21 PM

Why does this surprise you, Doug? Everybody knows that incarceration cures urine fetishes, not to mention eliminates drunk driving, stops all drug use, deters crimes by the mentally ill, and probably cures the common cold.

60 days in jail. Problem solved. Man, how nice to have a one size fits all solution that works for every social dilemma imaginable.

Incarceration is the only solution to social policy questions the left and right can always agree on - though usually for different reasons, and they differently emphasize WHO to incarceate. But there is a grand, bipartisan consensus in American politics around the false notion that civil law and regulatory structures are dysfunctional and that the threat of incarceration is the only viable tool available to influence human behavior, whether you're discussing business activities or public health policy.

Posted by: Gritsforbreakfast | Apr 11, 2009 9:44:14 AM

Douglas, Typepad has a handy feature you can use to automatically filter or ban commenters who, say, tend repeatedly to short-circuit the discussion thread. (This thread, for example, has gone right down the toilet. And not in a good way.)

Posted by: Michael Drake | Apr 11, 2009 10:28:45 AM

Michael: You mean urine is not in the public domain once excreted?

Shunning dissenters is easy. But Doug knows it is also cult.

Posted by: Supremacy Claus | Apr 11, 2009 10:45:07 AM

At least Maris Crane will make money if urinal cake sales go up.

Posted by: Scott | Apr 11, 2009 12:33:05 PM

Very impressive Fraser reference, Scott. If only we could get finally to see Maris in the splendor of family fortunes that were based on urinal cakes.

Posted by: Doug B. | Apr 11, 2009 2:04:06 PM

"Shunning dissenters is easy."

Dissent is one thing; dysentery is another.

Posted by: Michael Drake | Apr 11, 2009 9:23:04 PM

Dissent is not arguing over idiotic case law points, as the lawyer nitwits do here. It is questioning Medieval garbage core doctrines, the total inadequacy of the profession, which is in utter failure. It has to be completely removed from all policy positions, and stopped.

Here is the risk. The terrorist lover, rent seeking lawyer appeases and allows the terrorist to set off a nuclear device in a city. The military has to move in. 1776 is over. That is what the lawyer is gambling, the rent seeking jackass.

Posted by: Supremacy Claus | Apr 11, 2009 9:49:02 PM

I laid down the challenge, to Prof. Berman. He has run away from it.

A method to improve the shocking, incompetent performance of the criminal law. A bunch of innocent people in stir and on death row. Runaway crime rates on the outside. Modernize it. Snuff everything from 1250 AD.

End all self-dealt prosecutor, defense lawyer, and judge immunities from legal malpractice claims by adverse third parties. Include claims by subsequent crime victims against prosecutors for failure to prosecute. Make them carry malpractice insurance. Do so by an Amendment. If government does not have its first duty as providing public security, its has no legitimate purpose.

He will not face me on that subject. I oppose all tort reform. However, I am willing to allow a tort reform, here, a certificate of merit by an expert in the specialty of the lawyer and judge, to prevent frivolous and retaliatory lawsuits in the criminal law.

Posted by: Supremacy Claus | Apr 11, 2009 11:41:20 PM

Sixty days?! Too lenient. Should have gotten 120 at the very least. Hopefully a member of Congress is hard at work right now to get this sort of thing federalized.

How many departure points do folks get these days for being patently insane?

BTW: I can't help but wonder why Supremacy Clause seems so upset by the prospect of gays -- whom he apparently has no use for -- giving each other HIV?

Shouldn't that be a good thing from his perspective?

Posted by: John K | Apr 13, 2009 6:52:41 PM

People, including gays, should be left alone, until they harm others. The lawyer bully has an infinity of rules, that everyone on earth has violated. This rent seeking predator then gives itself the discretion whom to prosecute, when to prosecute, and with what severity. The overwhelming majority of laws are pretext for rent seeking, a polite word for armed robbery. The pretextual nature of most laws and rules makes self-help against the cult criminals fully justified morally and intellectually. I do not want to advocate violence or armed resistance since the outcomes of such are unpredictable, and likely to worsen matters. However, statutes should exclude the cult criminal from all benches, all legislative seats, and all responsible policy positions in the executive.

Every single social and political problem in the US is the fault of the lawyer. The prospering of our enemies is from the lawyer protection of the terrorist. All crime is the fault of the lawyer. All poverty. The economic crisis. The high cost of health care. Name a social problem. A lawyer is making a living from it, and preventing a substantive solution.

Posted by: Supremacy Claus | Apr 13, 2009 9:37:48 PM

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